There is a sentence many girls grow up hearing without fully understanding it: “Aurat ka koi ghar nahi hota.” As children many girls reject this sentence. It sounds cruel unfair and illogical. How can someone have no home? She is born in a home she grows up in a home and then she gets married and goes to another home. So how can she have no home? But as many women grow older they begin to understand that this sentence is not about buildings or walls — it is about belonging.
A girl is often born into a household where her arrival is not celebrated the way a boy’s arrival is. In many families a son is called waris the heir the continuation of the name the pride of the family. A daughter on the other hand is often treated as a temporary guest someone who will eventually leave. From a very young age she is told to behave to stay quiet to compromise to adjust to sacrifice. Her brother is told he is the man of the house while she is told she is just a responsibility that will one day be handed over to someone else.
When a girl grows up hearing that the house belongs to her father and then to her brother she slowly starts feeling like a visitor in her own home. She cannot speak too loudly cannot laugh too openly cannot argue too strongly cannot live too freely — because she is constantly reminded that this is not really her place. She is told that one day she will go to her husband’s house and that will be her real home.
But when she gets married she often hears something else that this is her husband’s house not hers. She must adjust again change again compromise again tolerate again. If she is hurt she is told to be patient. If she is treated unfairly she is told to stay quiet. If she wants to come back to her parents’ house she is often told “Ab tumhara ghar wahan hai.” Now your home is there.
So where does she belong? The house she was born in was never truly hers and the house she was sent to is also not truly hers. She spends her entire life adjusting between two places yet belonging fully to neither. This is why the sentence “Aurat ka koi ghar nahi hota” hurts so much because for many women it feels true not physically but emotionally and socially.
Women are judged for everything — their clothes their voice their laugh their cooking their skin color their education their confidence their silence their speaking their walking even their dreams. If she speaks she is arrogant. If she stays quiet she is weak. If she is confident she is characterless. If she is shy she is boring. No matter what she does she is judged.
The most painful part is that many times this system is not only continued by men but also by families traditions and sometimes even by other women who were raised in the same system and believe this is how life is supposed to be. Boys are often not taught boundaries respect or emotional responsibility while girls are taught tolerance patience and silence.
But the truth is this Women are not weak. Women are made to feel weak.
There is a big difference between being weak and being silenced. Between being powerless and being denied power. Between not having a voice and not being allowed to use a voice.
A woman leaves her home changes her name adjusts to a new family bears pain raises children manages a house often works as well sacrifices her comfort her dreams her sleep her health — and still she is called weak. If endurance was strength then women would be called the strongest humans in society.
The real problem is not that women are weak.
The real problem is that society is uncomfortable with strong women.
Because a strong woman asks questions.
A strong woman demands respect.
A strong woman does not accept injustice quietly.
A strong woman does not believe she belongs to someone — she believes she belongs to herself.
A woman is not a guest.
A woman is not a burden.
A woman is not property.
A woman is not a showpiece for society to judge.
A woman is a human being with a mind a voice a soul and a right to exist with dignity.
The day families start telling their daughters “This is your house too”
and start telling their sons “Your sister has equal rights and equal respect”
that day this sentence will finally die.
And maybe then no girl will grow up feeling like she is living in the world on temporary permission.
Hiba Sohail Mir